Paleo Fail Log

30 days of strict paleo resulted in a massive fail over the weekend to mark the end of my hard work of staying away from sugar, grains, dairy and everything else that isn't meat, veg, fruit, little starch, nuts and seeds.

I managed to force-feed myself with about a month’s worth of treats. Did I love it? Hell yeah, but I will make sure I don’t crash so hard on my next fail (due in 15 days)... as I feel so yuck now.

The thought of the treat was so much better than the actual treat, each mouthful was riddled with guilt and remorse. I was so shamed out at the check-out counter, I had to bite my tongue so I didn't blurb to the check-out-Miss the baddie food was not mine and I normally just have a lovely nutcase paleo trolley. I was super paranoid check-out-Miss was looking at it thinking: "what a fattie...eat an apple why don't you?"

Friday
Hot chips (cheat-greatness-rating: 1/10)
5 Tim-tams (cheat-greatness-rating: 9/10)
½ twix (cheat-greatness-rating: 8/10)

Saturday
About 15 Tim-tams (cheat-greatness-rating: 9/10)
½ rack of ribs and chips (cheat-greatness-rating: f-ing awesome, off-the-scale rating factor)
2 wines (cheat-greatness-rating: gross, made me slurry for about 30mins)

Sunday
3x crumpets (cheat-greatness-rating: not that great)
3x donuts (cheat-greatness-rating:  f-ing lovely)
2x bread rolls and cheese for dinner (cheat-greatness-rating: this was more a laziness thing than a cheat so blah about a 0.005/10)
8 choc chip bikkies (cheat-greatness-rating: f-ing lovely)
2 x packs of crisps (cheat-greatness-rating: 5/10)

= fatness.

Note to self: I certainly won't be hitting the treats this hard at my next paleo fail. I think I will just have a few leisurely bikkies and leave it at that! I am a chick so I can change my mind at any stage.
Love Miss “UrrgggggYuckVomit” Josie xoxo

Ps back on the paleo now... I threw out all the baddie leftovers. Hello egg. Goodbye Tim-tam.

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The Female Impasse

Is it feminine to clean and jerk? Is it feminine to grunt, pull faces, drop weight and drip sweat? To build massive calluses on our pre-WOD manicured hands? To have bruised legs, collar bones, knees? Just putting it out there but I guess most chicks would say no. Do us crossfitter-girls wear our calluses with pride knowing we worked hard to get these marks on our hands as it meant we pushed ourselves, or do we worry we look less 'fe' and more 'male'? 

One month into crossfit, I took off my fake nails, which I had because I am a nervous nail bitter and the fakies meant I left my nails the hell alone. I took them off because they impeded on my burpee ability (or so I thought, alas I am still rather crap at the ol’burpees fake nails or not). After going a month with stumpy, bitten, but very practical nails I put them back on. Why? Because I felt butch. I would rather pay through the arse and get them done every week so they are short enough not to worry about mid-WOD then feel less-than feminine with my banged up hands, matching my now banged up knees. 

In the past when I would work out as a globo-gym frequenter, I tended to shy away from a weight if it meant I might have to strain my face or make the involuntary grunts you need to do when lifting anything heavier than a stupid ass-chick weight. Hell, I would even get embarrassed if I left my 40 mins on the cross-trainer with a touch of top-lip-sweat. 

So what does the old me think of the new me? New me is a grunter (still kind of embarrassed when I left out the occasional grunt), a sweater and is covered in bruises.

New me gets really upset when I hear of a fellow crossfit girl getting grief from the non-crossfit peeps for having muscles on her arms rather than having twig arms that can barely lift a bunch of shopping bags, let alone snatch her bodyweight.

New me praises my single girl friend who has the bruise on their neck that looks like a hickey. Pre-crossfit her would have had the hickey but now she just has a kiss-bruise from the fuck-off massive weight slamming down on her collar bone.

The new me thinks it is awesome, we are strong and getting stronger with every WOD.

The new me is so proud of every chick that can get over our pre-programming of femininity and throw away the scales and not give a shit what she weighs, but how she performs in her WOD, how the clothes feel on her bum, can laugh off the negative words of the idiots that only think chicks should be skinny, eat lettuce and read a mag on a cross-trainer for 2 hours per day. 

Yep, that’s me, empowered and feeling the love!

Love Miss “Don’tFuckWithUsCrossfitGirls” Josie xoxo

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All work and no play

No blogging for me this week... too much work. I will most certainly absolutely change my priorities and try not to let work get in the way of crossfit again from next week I promise.


Love Miss "WorkReallyDoesSuck" Josie xoxo

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Life gets in the way of crossfit?

Confession: it has almost been a week without a WOD. What the hell? Even though it was just a simple problem of life other than crossfit taking control of my motivation for a while, I would love to be one of those crazies who work out crap loads when stressed. In the pre-crossfit days, when I was stressed, I would reach for a family pack of biscuits and shut out the world. Seems even though I have better control of my food-intake, I need to work on the anti-social-watch-too-much-TV-stress-head thing.

Well my stress is over now (for the time being I am sure), so I am back to crossfit, this evening in fact. I wonder if my ‘performance' (I use that work very loosely, as being such a newbie I am not sure I can comment on my ‘crossfit performance’) will be affected by my WOD-vacation? I am dreaming I may have improved by osmosis as I watched a serious amount of the crossfit games over the week. Actually I watched every piece of footage available I think, so hopefully their inspirational-nutcase-crossfitness will have seeped into my veins and all of a sudden I can do a HSPU or something crazy like that.

So don’t worry my crossfit peeps I am back, and as chatty as ever

Love Miss “IAteCopiousAmountsOfPaleoBikkiesInMyStressfulWeekFromHell” Josie xoxo

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How to tell you are turning into a crossfit-nutcase also known as ‘elite f**ker'

No WOD talk just yet as I am at 'work'....

Today we have a small quiz -How to tell if you are turning into a crossfit-nutcase also known as ‘elite f**ker'

1. Is it humanly possible to just go to do your WOD but not want to preach the good word (aka crossfit raves and spiels) to every person you come in contact with?

“Hey Josie, how are y...”

“Wow you know crossfit is totally awesome and you should stop what you are doing right now and watch these YouTube tutorials with me so I can show you how great it is”.

2. Is it possible to not roll your eyes at your mate when they are telling you, rather proudly, about their 1 hour cardio session, or how they are training arms tonight as they did legs last night and can only do one muscle per gym visit?

3. Do you want to just scream at the next person who tells you dead lifts are bad for your back, or you will get ‘too big” if you do all those weights and don’t do any cardio?

4. Do you find your work day is getting in the way of your watching of endless tutorials on snatch hand placement, or kipping head positions? Or get cross your work’s firewall as it won't let you access the main site forum?

5. Do you want to shake some sense into that girl over there eating coco pops for brekkie as eggs are "too fattening and give you high cholesterol"?



Scores

1/5 You are still not quite there in the ‘elite-ness’ yet. keep trying, watch a bunch of tutorials and keep forcing your crossfit nutcase talk on to anyone who listens... actually don’t even wait for them to listen, just talk the talk and follow them as they slowly back away from you.

2/5 As above – keep trying you are almost there, maybe break-it-down a bit and try talking for time.

3/5 As above – try watching AMRAP in 10mins of YouTube crossfit cartons

4/5 Almost f**king elite. You should be proud. You can now compete in crossfit-nutcase comps

5/5 ELITE. You are f**king elite. Full Stop.

anyway... WODo'clock
 
Love Miss "IHopeWeDon'tHaveBurpeesInTonightsWOD" Josie xoxo

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Paleo goodness

Hey you! check out the new page Paleoicious... back to work for me xoxo

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WOD 12/07/2010

Crossfit totals today. Everyone did amazingly. I cannot express how much it motivates me to see the other girls giving it their all on the lifts. This was my first CFT, so will serve as my baseline.

- Deadlift: 90kg (My posture let me down)

- Back squat: 60kg (need to work on pushing out of my sticking point, I felt I could get more weight out here, just a technique thing, will be practicing my ‘china man sitting’ whilst waiting for my eggs to boil from now on)

- Press: 20kg (am so upperbody weak so as per crossfit mentality: I will be working on my weakness)
Total: 170



Team WOD
We beat the other team by 2 reps (goes to say how accurate ‘every second counts” is as a mantra for crossfit) *See! I am just a bit competitive

Special mention: Thanks Miss E for continuing to be an inspiration, and for the post-WOD delicious paleo treats x

Love Miss "IAmStillFreakingOut" Josie xoxo

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The day I became a competitor

I was extremely hesitant to come to the box this morning, and not because I was anxious for the WOD, nah I was looking forward to that (hello? what the... I'm still on my positive trip about going to crossfit?) I was hesitant as I knew this was try-out day.

Try-outs mean something far more sinister than any WOD (for me). Try out equal’s competition and that makes my brain melt. What is it with crossfit and the box competitions? The spirit of crossfit is as much about punishing your body and mind with insanely hard workouts as it is about the crossfit community, the people. There is something so amazingly cool to know around the world, the crossfit community has got your back. The community gives a shit about your progress, your attempts to reach a personal best. Competing is not just a straight up ‘let’s shove a few weights around and try to beat the next guy”, it is about us all getting together, akin to a cult gathering I guess!

So anyway, I was very hesitant to come to CrossFitBodyM today; I blame Miss E for this actually! Sorry hun, but I knew you would ‘make’ me sign up to the box comp coming up. I have never ever (times a million) done anything competitively. I am a competitive person but only with my own life, my pay check, my diet, my row time etc.

At school, all those years ago, I was the girl wagging every athletic or whatever carnival, watching from a far with a ciggie in hand. I managed to have an excuse for almost every PE day, and if I did do PE, my sport of choice was hockey and only because I took glee in trying to whack the stuck-up chicks with my hockey stick in the name of sport.

After school, my only exposure to sport was my gym routine at the globo. The years and years of globo have not ever kicked my ass like the last few weeks with crossfit. It is funny (read: not funny) for me to be so into crossfit and now being signed up to my first competition ever. It is safe to say I am absolutely freaking out.

I tested a few viable excuses with Mr ‘SecretlyAmusedByMyFeebleAttemptsToGetOutOfTheComp’ Nafe before coming to the box today, knowing the excuse had to be pretty damm good to get past the crew. I had - I have to go away for work, I don’t want to, I am just going to cheer you awesome guys instead, F**k Off I am not going, and I quit crossfit and I have renewed my globo membership.

The excuse conversation went something like this:

     Me: “Hey guys... just so you know... I am not going to try-out for the comp..”
     Miss E: “you’re going.”
     Me: “...em (quick brain what were my excuses again?)..em..em..."
     Mr B: “Josie, you are going. That is all.”
     Me: "Right then...f**k, right, ok."
     End of conversation.
    
     So it looks like I am going.

My goals have now been adjusted:
- Still on paleo (but minus the paleo treats)
- Dry July extended until further notice
- WOD’s 3x per week, ramped-up to 5x per week (and maybe 6x if I can make it)
- 1x 5km run on an off-day (will try the POSE technique and see how that goes)
- Get back on the burpee challenge (starting at day 12)
- Start a push-up challenge (starting on day 12 'man style')
- Get below 4min on the 1km row (currently on 4:17)
- Start practicing pull-ups (or for me, just hanging from the bar until my hands can cope with the pain)
- (oh and stop whinging and HTFU).

The only positive I can think of right now, is I get to buy vibrams as a ‘reward’, if, and only if, I go to the comp. Oh right and maybe I might get a whole lot fitter and closer to my ultimate goal of donning short shorts.

Love Miss "IAmFreakingOutRightNow" Josie xoxo

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WOD 8/07/2010

As you know I was totally amped for my WOD last night. So what I almost missed the session as I was too busy getting some hard-ass tunes together for a playlist on the train and missed my stop. Maybe the adrenalin from the rally car race from Gosford station to CrossFitBodyM set me up, but I ran into the box last night on the highest mood I have had in a long time.


WOD-ness

Skill
Power Clean Max 1-1-1 (me: 25kg)

Strength
Back Squat 5-5-5 (me: 45kg)

WOD
“Grace” for time – 30 C&J (60/40kg, my scale: 25kg)

Yeah pretty low weights for all you RX'ers, but it is a PB's again. I am 3 weeks into my crossfit life, so the weight is a breakthrough from last week when I was struggling with the 'ghetto bar' (7.5kg). I am just trying to concentrate a bit more so I don’t have to keep asking Mr Super-Trainer Jase what the movement is every 2 minutes (this must get annoying I know, but I am a bit crap at coordination , just ask Miss Awsome Susie of my efforts of coordination when doing 'body attack' class at the globo).

Off to shop for some socks now, as my shins are getting a caning and I don't want to scare any of my customers off with my ‘oh so lovely 1800domesticviolenceisnotcool’ look.

I leave you with one question: To WOD or not tonight? Before you unanimously shout “go” please consider -

1. I am on target to reach my goal of 3xcrossfit sessions this week (and yes I will ramp this up to 4x next week).
2. I need to do some housework as the in-laws are over tomorrow (will be cleaning house for time).
3. Em that is all I have got in the way of lame-ass excuses (maybe I am not so queen-of-excuses after all).


I look forward to your feedback, thanks in advance

Miss "LayOnTheMakeUpToHideCrossFitChinInjury" Josie xoxo

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Some may call this progress - I call it f**king nutcase awesome

Something strange happened to me on the way to work this morning, I need to ‘share’ as I think we may have a bloody f**king awesome crossfit break through. I woke up and remembered it was WOD day, my first thought was ‘oh yuckness – WOD tonight”. I muttered some lame-as excuse to Mr “NeverEverMakesAnExcuseNotToGoToCrossfit” Nafe about having a tummy pain and therefore cannot, most certainly cannot, attend crossfit tonight, thanks in advance. Funny though he must be so used to me making excuses not to go and took it without any rebuttal like “oh but why lovely lady, you simply must go to crossfit.. Blah blah”.

Anyway I digress, back to my revelation. On my way to work, I had NIN up very loud (note - this is often my get-ready-for-work music, hard loud aggressive music makes me ever so lovely to my customers), and I started to get amped for Crossfit. It seems my brain had forgot I made an excuse and was not going.  Can you f**king believe it? I was actually excited about my WOD. Therefore I can conclude I AM ELITE. I won’t get too excited just yet and buy my short shorts, pull-up-to-the-knees-socks and take a ride on the Barefoot Evolution, but f**k I am getting there.


** Yes I swore a lot this post. One has too to express the awesome excitement on breaking through the ‘lame-ass excuse’ barrier.

Love Miss "NINSavedMyCrossfit" Josie

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Day 8

Confession time

I failed at my only goal I set for myself yesturday - getting to crossfit. Stupid headache. Going tonight. NO EXCUSES. I will chat more later. Have to work. Yuck.

-----------

Update
Well Miss "lazy cow" Josie finally go her act together and went to crossfit. In summary: IT WAS GREAT.

Pre- WOD
Driving from work to crossfit was a bit of an ordeal. I had heart palpitations from stress of what the WOD would be. Being on a self-imposed ban from looking up the WOD online, I figured this would a way to reduce my pre- WOD anxiety. I was wrong. Being a natural pessimist, and general doom and gloomer, I imagined the WOD to be 1000 burpees for time, a 10k row, and a few GHD's thrown in for good measure. The WOD was a lovely (read: I didn't puckey, or finish last, or make a total fool out of myself) mix of strength, conditioning and an occasional box jump. (Hot Tip: Apparently the function training aspect of the box jump is to be able to jump over dead zombies after the Apocalypse).

Poor Mr "stillthinkingofanappropiatenicknameforhim" Nafe was very patient with me. I asked him to repeat over and over a story of a super amazing crossfit nutcase man saying how he hates every moment right up  the 3-2-1-go of each WOD. He is my hero. Knowing other people hate the thought of it as much as me is reassuring. Anyway, 1 strong long black later, many deep breaths and a bit of positive self-talk, I attended the box for the WOD.
WOD-ness

Skill

OHS set a PB and finally got off the 'ghetto' bar. From 7.5kg to 25kg. Yay

Strength
Again set a PB and moved up from 7.5kg to 20kg. But to just put my ego back in line these were only very low reps so maybe I might be pulling out the baby weights again soon if there is a smash it up session programmed.

WOD
15kg bar for hang power clean and a stack of weights (approx 22") for the box jump. Not too bad. I think I should have upped my weight for the clean, but was chicken. Next time hey. Note to self I need to YouTube crossfit chicks with bits doing hang power cleans to see their body position on the pully-up section, as I was constantly hitting lady lump with bar. Ouch.

Must say having Miss E "SuperCrossFitAmazingChick" spot me and what not was great. What a star she is. Not so keen on Miss E noticing I didn't say "see you tomorrow", when we were leaving... but hey my goal is 3x CrossFit this week, not bloody every day... (yet).

Miss Josie xoxo

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Paleo Challenge week 1 in review

It is day 7 of my paleo challenge, for the uninitiated (you are missing out of a food revolution by the way, poor you) this means I only eat as my cave woman ancestor would have. Foraging for seasonal produce and organic happy meat, or in my case perusing the local farmers market for worm ridden organic over priced goodness. I eat meat, veg, nuts, seeds, little fruit and starch, and NO SUGAR for a month.

Feel sorry for me? Well don't. Day 7 and I feel energised, less bloated and finally free of my very overwhelming biscuit addiction. I kid you not.. every (and I mean every) night I would consume vast amounts of bikkies (even gross orange creams if that is all I had left) with a cup of tea. Well not anymore. I am free. Well kind off. I still think about how to 'cheat' paleo style. Which if you are in the school of thought that paleo treats are a vehicle for sugar, I should not even have 'treats' as this is placating the sugar tantrum. I will have to work on this. It is a good enough result right now to not have the bikkie. The fine tuning can follow.


This weekend was the first weekend, forever, that I have had a clean weekend. What a remarkable feat.

Week 2 goals:
- get to crossfit 3 times.
- keep eating well
- keep my fruit to a minimum
- give up milk (which really means triple shot lattes)
- and try not to obsess about how hard crossfit it.

Crossfit tonight. I will report in tomorrow and give you an update on how crap I was, finishing last and all. My only goal for crossfit tonight is actually peeling my ass off the couch and going.

Miss Josie xoxo

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Crossfit/ Paleo Fail

Now I know why I called my blog 'Crossfit Confessions"... confession time...

My name is Josie and I have failed at crossfit and paleo. It has been 6 days since I last entered the box and a few beers and pizza have passed my lips also.

I am due back tonight. A very strange feeling. Actually I am beside myself trying to think of an adequate excuse as to not go.

Log of Fails
Thursday
Ate homemade cake (chocolate deliciousness), had 2x wines. I did burpees so not so bad-ass fail.

Friday
Had a yogurt, chips, about 7 beers and 4x slices of pizza. I did zero burpees. Massive fail. Budger watch: fatness seeping back to my muffin top. I am almost reaching for the construction wear.

Saturday
Brekkie buffet so I HAD to have 2x mini pastries, toast with vegemite, 2x OJs. I did burpees (x14). Feel soft and wads of fatness are saying hello.

Oh also didn’t have lunch, had 2x beers instead, a plane food cookie... and then... I had half a large pack of salt and vinegar crisps, about 4x slices of pizza, 1.5 more beers, and a few Tim Tams. My goodness fatness has returned.

Motivation has left and negative self talk is taking over. Budger watch: Yep they are back, I caught a glimpse of myself in a shop window reflection – 2x blobs of budger have moved onto my hips.

Sunday
Scrambled egg. Good. Sausage. Good. Omelette. Good.... and about 7 Tim Tams. Crapness. I did burpees (x15).

Monday
Back on it. Paleo goodness all day. I am very hungry though and cannot stop thinking about chocolate covered baklava or muesli slice.. My goodness. I am off to watch some crossfit YouTube’s now to get motivated.

What a mess. Don’t tell anyone

Miss Josie xoxo

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Day 2

Post on the run.. I am on my way to crossfit day 2. Absolutely crapping myself. Will post more later. Please please please no more burpees. I did a hundred and five yesterday and am still feeling the embarrassment.

The day after...

After many deep breaths (read: hyper-ventilation), 1x fight with boyfriend, and 1x a very very strong skim latte (yes I am a lactose-paleo sorry but whatever), I made it into my box (crossfit BodyM - look it up). I deliberately put off looking at the WOD on whiteboard until 1 minute before start time, so I couldn’t chicken out.

Yay no f-ing burpees. I could have kissed Jase the box owner. Brilliant. I can do this. WOD: 2-4-6-8-10 Hang DB C+P. and in between:

10 KB Swing
20 Push up
30 Air squat.


Looks alright hey? I had to have a bit of tutorial with the Hang DB C+P as being a technical movement and me being massively uncoordinated this posed with a slight issue of wtf. I went through the movement in slow motion. After almost knocking myself out a few times with the dumbbells, and flinging my arms around whilst bouncing my legs simultaneously, I managed to get enough technique to proceed with the WOD.


Did alright too. I upped my KB weight from 8kg to 12kg, and did crappy girl push-ups, but didn’t finish last. Which, for me, means I did bloody excellently. I also finished before my boyfriend, f-ing awesome. Not that I am competitive much, but hey bragging power and what not. Sorry babes if you are reading this - I know you did RX so are still heaps better than me. In these early stages I NEED EVERY GLORY.


After the WOD, I had to get take away. Bloody crap I know but forgot to take out meat (#firstworldproblem). Ordered a roast beef roll sans roll, and the takeaway chick pretty much had a mental break down. Her "What no roll?" me: "nope", her: "em but I can only sell that with a roll'. Me: "just go through the motion, darl, and don’t put it in a roll, and put it in a container instead, I won’t tell your boss". Her: "em em em ... ok". Me: (thoughts: f-ing hell, I am going to smash this chick right now... just give me the f-ing meat...) "ok". Note to self: the meat was shit. I think I caused the takeaway chick her job. I will never eat that shit again. Mantra: I will eat a banana in times of need. The world does not know how to deal with non-grain eaters right now.. Until they do without losing it, I will fend for myself.


I can no longer raise my arms above my head and have crappy hair today as a result, but who cares I am elite. xoxo

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Starting out

I am starting my confessions a few days into my CrossFit journey. First’s things first: I am a procrastinator and will always put off what I can. This is probably why I have been fighting budgers for my entire adult life. I want a quick fix. CrossFit is not this. CrossFit is part of my re-programming into a person who cares about themselves, a person who does not run to baddies when the going gets tough. I am taking control of my life. From yesterday in fact.



My first real day at CrossFit was Monday 21 June, a few days after my 35 birthday. What the F. Turning 35 was a real turning point for me. I need to stop kidding myself and get serious. Serious means: eating well, and crossfitting hard. No negative self-talk and turning to easy fixes. Ciggies well they are another story. Bloody evil things.


About me: I live a simple life with my hubby to be and cat. I work hard and have a tendency to be grumpy. Most. Of. The. Time. I hate making a fool of myself. I hate to be singled out and hate to be bad at things.

I first tried CrossFit a few weeks ago. I was totally crap. I finished a good 20 minutes after everyone else. Ok probably was actually only 2 minutes after everyone, but gosh it felt long. Everyone was cheering me on, chanting my name.. Total embarrassment but I didn’t quit and finished my WOD. That is one thing I never do. But I didn’t go back to my box for ages. I still drank the Kool-Aid and completely fell in love with CrossFit, the culture, the people etc. I read every article, every message post, watched all the YouTube’s and even attended the regionals for Australia. But I didn’t step a foot into my box. Blimey. The problem: It is hard and I am the worst in the box and I hate that. Let's just say maybe I have an ego issue?


The turning point: My turning point was when my bestie joined her box. Sure my other half goes all the time and loves Crossfit. But it is different when I can talk about crossfit to my girl. Anyway, Here I am CrossFit. I am not quitting. I have said my goodbyes to pump class and hours and hour of useless step machine. And hello to nutcase training: CrossFit.

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